








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 421 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 231 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 74 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 26 matches | ||
| Premier | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




105 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6578 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,165 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7139 | 37% |
| Smokes | 4153 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 5037 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 2836 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $634,525 of utility $57 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 400 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Grandma Scooby | 65% | 60 |
| #2 | Maverick | 65% | 31 |
| #3 | Killj0y | 64% | 64 |
| #4 | Ne4Lackin | 59% | 237 |
| #5 | HAZMATZ | 58% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JoeyTheBiggest | 58 | 0.0086 |
| #2 | coopeR | 26 | 0.0079 |
| #3 | Ne4Lackin | 11 | 0.0023 |
| #4 | Killj0y | 11 | 0.0088 |
| #5 | supyrk | 7 | 0.0056 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JoeyTheBiggest | 2260 | 0.34 | 51 min |
| #2 | coopeR | 675 | 0.20 | 13 min |
| #3 | Ne4Lackin | 516 | 0.11 | 12 min |
| #4 | supyrk | 344 | 0.27 | 7 min |
| #5 | Killj0y | 308 | 0.25 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JoeyTheBiggest | +1.94 | 74 | 64 |
| #2 | Ne4Lackin | +1.72 | 70 | 47 |
| #3 | HeyItzWerty | +1.21 | 54 | 60 |
| #4 | Killj0y | +1.06 | 79 | 55 |
| #5 | Grandma Scooby | +0.50 | 61 | 46 |





