








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 32 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 48 matches | ||
| Premier | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
909 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,850 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 782 | 27% |
| Smokes | 789 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 509 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 770 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $261,789 of utility $148 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 8 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #16 | dashie :> | 25% | 4 |
| #17 | Karen | 25% | 4 |
| #18 | Ionic | 25% | 4 |
| #19 | UTELIGGER | 25% | 4 |
| #20 | HΣNKΣ | 20% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HansenEZ | 3 | 0.0048 |
| #2 | pIOTERkuuuuk1 | 2 | 0.0031 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | crezt | 150 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #2 | pIOTERkuuuuk1 | 132 | 0.21 | 4 min |
| #3 | HansenEZ | 62 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #4 | .tv/mOQIEN_ | 21 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #5 | OakFart The Whistleblower | 14 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Starvin Marvin | +3.04 | 79 | 64 |
| #2 | dahlbusk | +3.01 | 78 | 63 |
| #3 | UTELIGGER | +2.67 | 94 | 65 |
| #4 | crezt | +1.68 | 74 | 76 |
| #5 | Sjef | +1.58 | 56 | 60 |





