








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 135 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 191 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 92 matches | ||
| Premier | 68 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 64 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 55 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 41 matches | ||
| Wingman | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 63 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3570 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,249 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 738 | 9% |
| Smokes | 2571 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1766 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 3174 | 38% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,740,080 of utility $189 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2240 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Frogfuck | 52% | 61 |
| #2 | Dave Mustaine | 52% | 88 |
| #3 | ⛧ Pork ⛧ | 52% | 182 |
| #4 | Rectal Smegma | 49% | 144 |
| #5 | Roe Chambeau | 48% | 62 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BigBuddyNick | 836 | 0.18 | 22 min |
| #2 | Rectal Smegma | 669 | 0.23 | 17 min |
| #3 | kevmuller | 630 | 0.20 | 12 min |
| #4 | Dave Mustaine | 201 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #5 | Frogfuck | 167 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rectal Smegma | +7.72 | 83 | 72 |
| #2 | ⛧ Pork ⛧ | +3.00 | 75 | 31 |
| #3 | kevmuller | +1.84 | 69 | 51 |
| #4 | Frogfuck | +0.92 | 57 | 50 |
| #5 | BigBuddyNick | -0.12 | 25 | 71 |





