








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 922 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 80 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 70 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 61 matches | ||
| Premier | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 18 matches | ||
| Wingman | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 11 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 39 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4086 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,599 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6308 | 43% |
| Smokes | 3853 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2835 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 1603 | 11% |
Our logs show you have wasted $720,451 of utility $71 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 399 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | =7Cav=2LT.Teddy.J | 60% | 35 |
| #2 | ⛧ Pork ⛧ | 49% | 93 |
| #3 | Rectal Smegma | 49% | 75 |
| #4 | Dave Mustaine | 49% | 35 |
| #5 | Frogfuck | 46% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Rectal Smegma | 49% | 75 |
| #4 | Dave Mustaine | 49% | 35 |
| #5 | Frogfuck | 46% | 26 |
| #6 | Baron O' Beefdip | 44% | 161 |
| #7 | BigBuddyNick | 40% | 125 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BigBuddyNick | 5 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | Baron O' Beefdip | 4 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | ⛧ Pork ⛧ | 4 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | Dave Mustaine | 4 | 0.0056 |
| #5 | Rectal Smegma | 3 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BigBuddyNick | 414 | 0.17 | 11 min |
| #2 | Rectal Smegma | 347 | 0.23 | 9 min |
| #3 | =7Cav=2LT.Teddy.J | 97 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #4 | Frogfuck | 90 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #5 | Dave Mustaine | 80 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rectal Smegma | +5.97 | 83 | 75 |
| #2 | =7Cav=2LT.Teddy.J | +3.59 | 73 | 55 |
| #3 | ⛧ Pork ⛧ | +2.10 | 72 | 34 |
| #4 | Frogfuck | +0.66 | 57 | 49 |
| #5 | kevmuller | +0.54 | 66 | 49 |





