










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 736 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 183 matches | ||
| Wingman | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 70 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2495 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,782 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3301 | 31% |
| Smokes | 2216 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 2627 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 2638 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $692,162 of utility $126 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 563 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | veksi | 56% | 27 |
| #2 | Jaax | 54% | 74 |
| #3 | Kinderi | 53% | 72 |
| #4 | Nj@ksu | 50% | 68 |
| #5 | hemorrhoid hunter | 50% | 116 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Lappis | 47% | 110 |
| #8 | Jozé45 Blyat | 47% | 36 |
| #9 | Waldo | 47% | 131 |
| #10 | santtulanttu | 45% | 40 |
| #11 | boobpiss | 42% | 66 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hemorrhoid hunter | 7 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | Nug3tt1x | 5 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | Waldo | 5 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | Lappis | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | boobpiss | 3 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nug3tt1x | 476 | 0.13 | 17 min |
| #2 | boobpiss | 258 | 0.19 | 6 min |
| #3 | Waldo | 234 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #4 | Jaax | 186 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #5 | hemorrhoid hunter | 176 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | veksi | +3.07 | 74 | 58 |
| #2 | Nug3tt1x | +1.27 | 64 | 74 |
| #3 | hemorrhoid hunter | +1.03 | 67 | 55 |
| #4 | Kinderi | +0.92 | 76 | 50 |
| #5 | زنجي | +0.73 | 62 | 66 |





