








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 320 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 168 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2602 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,580 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1392 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1446 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 895 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 847 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $451,497 of utility $97 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 25 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | زنجي | 53% | 72 |
| #2 | veksi | 52% | 48 |
| #3 | Waldo | 50% | 60 |
| #4 | hemorrhoid hunter | 49% | 90 |
| #5 | Lappis | 47% | 123 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Jozé45 Blyat | 45% | 20 |
| #8 | Nj@ksu | 44% | 61 |
| #9 | boobpiss | 44% | 43 |
| #10 | Jaax | 43% | 65 |
| #11 | santtulanttu | 36% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nug3tt1x | 4 | 0.0012 |
| #2 | hemorrhoid hunter | 4 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | veksi | 4 | 0.0039 |
| #4 | boobpiss | 4 | 0.0043 |
| #5 | Lappis | 2 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nug3tt1x | 423 | 0.13 | 14 min |
| #2 | زنجي | 271 | 0.18 | 8 min |
| #3 | boobpiss | 193 | 0.21 | 5 min |
| #4 | Lappis | 158 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #5 | Waldo | 139 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hemorrhoid hunter | +1.71 | 64 | 53 |
| #2 | Kinderi | +0.93 | 74 | 56 |
| #3 | Nug3tt1x | +0.56 | 60 | 72 |
| #4 | Lappis | +0.18 | 71 | 63 |
| #5 | veksi | -0.09 | 66 | 58 |





