








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 61 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 81 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1517 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,622 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 795 | 22% |
| Smokes | 896 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 691 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 1240 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $317,112 of utility $97 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kaede | 78% | 9 |
| #2 | notAustin | 75% | 20 |
| #3 | pgxy | 68% | 22 |
| #4 | Femboy Will | 60% | 10 |
| #5 | Flaxiem | 58% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mik | 5 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | R | 4 | 0.0034 |
| #3 | Ace_M+9 Kick | 4 | 0.0108 |
| #4 | Flaxiem | 2 | 0.0081 |
| #5 | Femboy Will | 2 | 0.0093 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | R | 345 | 0.29 | 6 min |
| #2 | Mik | 176 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #3 | notAustin | 77 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #4 | pgxy | 54 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #5 | Kaede | 27 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Femboy Will | +2.02 | 67 | 52 |
| #2 | Kaede | +1.64 | 63 | 54 |
| #3 | notAustin | +1.34 | 49 | 44 |
| #4 | pgxy | +1.16 | 79 | 52 |
| #5 | Mik | +0.90 | 70 | 44 |





