








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 539 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 299 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 25 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2100 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,270 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1827 | 25% |
| Smokes | 2110 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1104 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 2229 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,071,925 of utility $249 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 69 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mercurialists | 53% | 57 |
| #2 | SourCreamOnion | 48% | 131 |
| #3 | Chef Ramsay | 48% | 90 |
| #4 | kingdomzerogods | 45% | 181 |
| #5 | FreezeBite | 44% | 144 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FreezeBite | 4 | 0.0018 |
| #2 | SourCreamOnion | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | kingdomzerogods | 2 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | Chef Ramsay | 2 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | Mercurialists | 1 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kingdomzerogods | 217 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #2 | SourCreamOnion | 164 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #3 | FreezeBite | 97 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #4 | Chef Ramsay | 48 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | Promoter of Tamjai Mixian | 38 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kingdomzerogods | +0.66 | 69 | 34 |
| #2 | FreezeBite | +0.51 | 53 | 47 |
| #3 | <blank> | +0.50 | 69 | 46 |
| #4 | Chef Ramsay | +0.27 | 61 | 53 |
| #5 | Mercurialists | -0.56 | 84 | 20 |





