








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 947 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 208 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 92 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 55 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




28 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4705 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,076 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4070 | 29% |
| Smokes | 3953 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 3158 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 2895 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,516,967 of utility $150 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 313 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 小心 | 5 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | 𝓐𝓻𝓢𝓱𝓪𝓷 | 5 | 0.0046 |
| #3 | Smile<3 | 4 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | Nob0dy | 4 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | Kenny | 3 | 0.0007 |





