








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1596 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 322 matches | ||
| Premier | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 43 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




59 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4364 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,876 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4123 | 28% |
| Smokes | 4357 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 3082 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 3314 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,671,258 of utility $164 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 642 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cocaine | 58% | 192 |
| #2 | WoodY [LV] | 55% | 141 |
| #3 | laura | 55% | 209 |
| #4 | Erregrets | 52% | 196 |
| #5 | TheBigGhost | 50% | 117 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cocaine | 13 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | elyM. | 4 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | laura | 3 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | TheBigGhost | 3 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | rol3-x | 3 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | laura | 1000 | 0.21 | 25 min |
| #2 | Erregrets | 461 | 0.11 | 14 min |
| #3 | TheBigGhost | 419 | 0.16 | 10 min |
| #4 | WoodY [LV] | 296 | 0.09 | 8 min |
| #5 | elyM. | 203 | 0.14 | 5 min |





