








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 626 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 376 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2456 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,359 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1743 | 27% |
| Smokes | 2119 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 1170 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 1327 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,279,565 of utility $144 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 49 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Agent Number K | 50% | 100 |
| #6 | ... | 49% | 140 |
| #7 | wky | 48% | 84 |
| #8 | hamishchan7 | 47% | 205 |
| #9 | DLUU | 38% | 56 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hamishchan7 | 17 | 0.0039 |
| #2 | Detective Watson | 8 | 0.0046 |
| #3 | ... | 7 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | Agent Number K | 6 | 0.0028 |
| #5 | wky | 2 | 0.0011 |





