








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 264 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 303 matches | ||
| Wingman | 21 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




44 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3273 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,736 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1917 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1511 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 2278 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 2030 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $705,192 of utility $91 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 130 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Flynn | 52% | 148 |
| #5 | Cady | 51% | 37 |
| #6 | Sossi | 48% | 132 |
| #7 | Pablo | 44% | 94 |
| #8 | DATASSPHAT | 41% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Billy | 17 | 0.0072 |
| #2 | Nerbs | 13 | 0.0037 |
| #3 | Flynn | 7 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | Pablo | 6 | 0.0030 |
| #5 | DATASSPHAT | 6 | 0.0135 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Flynn | 694 | 0.22 | 19 min |
| #2 | Billy | 552 | 0.23 | 16 min |
| #3 | Sossi | 300 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #4 | Nerbs | 275 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #5 | Pablo | 156 | 0.08 | 4 min |





