








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 174 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 180 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1774 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,477 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1371 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1327 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1509 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1270 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $863,045 of utility $169 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 176 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Nerbs | 50% | 96 |
| #7 | DATASSPHAT | 48% | 25 |
| #8 | Sossi | 44% | 122 |
| #9 | .:. | 44% | 94 |
| #10 | Flynn | 42% | 135 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | .:. | 15 | 0.0075 |
| #2 | Nerbs | 14 | 0.0070 |
| #3 | Flynn | 12 | 0.0043 |
| #4 | Billy | 9 | 0.0093 |
| #5 | Sossi | 7 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Flynn | 663 | 0.24 | 18 min |
| #2 | Sossi | 290 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #3 | Billy | 225 | 0.23 | 7 min |
| #4 | .:. | 176 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #5 | Nerbs | 174 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cady | +7.04 | 80 | 71 |
| #2 | probably sweating | +6.96 | 86 | 70 |
| #3 | Billy | +6.90 | 83 | 69 |
| #4 | Flynn | +4.67 | 78 | 65 |
| #5 | DATASSPHAT | +4.12 | 88 | 63 |





