








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 140 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 169 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1703 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,259 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1310 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1287 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1457 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1205 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $811,988 of utility $164 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 143 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Nerbs | 50% | 90 |
| #8 | DATASSPHAT | 48% | 25 |
| #9 | Sossi | 45% | 119 |
| #10 | .:. | 44% | 94 |
| #11 | Flynn | 42% | 135 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | .:. | 15 | 0.0075 |
| #2 | Flynn | 12 | 0.0042 |
| #3 | Nerbs | 12 | 0.0064 |
| #4 | Billy | 9 | 0.0093 |
| #5 | Sossi | 6 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Flynn | 675 | 0.24 | 18 min |
| #2 | Sossi | 280 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #3 | Billy | 225 | 0.23 | 7 min |
| #4 | .:. | 176 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #5 | Nerbs | 163 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | probably sweating | +6.96 | 86 | 70 |
| #2 | Billy | +6.90 | 83 | 69 |
| #3 | Cady | +5.51 | 72 | 69 |
| #4 | Flynn | +4.67 | 78 | 65 |
| #5 | DATASSPHAT | +4.12 | 88 | 63 |





