








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 32 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
307 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 673 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 156 | 23% |
| Smokes | 105 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 275 | 41% |
| Molotovs | 137 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $73,853 of utility $127 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shmuka | 52% | 23 |
| #2 | GhostFish | 48% | 29 |
| #3 | QuakK | 48% | 29 |
| #4 | Superior Crustacean | 46% | 26 |
| #5 | Kercho0 | 43% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shmuka | 52% | 23 |
| #2 | GhostFish | 48% | 29 |
| #3 | QuakK | 48% | 29 |
| #4 | Superior Crustacean | 46% | 26 |
| #5 | Kercho0 | 43% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Superior Crustacean | 8 | 0.0162 |
| #2 | Shmuka | 5 | 0.0115 |
| #3 | GhostFish | 3 | 0.0054 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | QuakK | 49 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #2 | Shmuka | 28 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #3 | GhostFish | 27 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #4 | Superior Crustacean | 5 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | QuakK | +8.66 | 78 | 68 |
| #2 | Dhar Mann (real) | +1.67 | 74 | 46 |
| #3 | GhostFish | -0.09 | 50 | 21 |
| #4 | Shmuka | -2.54 | 40 | 38 |
| #5 | Kercho0 | -3.17 | 36 | 7 |





