








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 104 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 34 matches | ||
| Premier | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2295 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,812 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1799 | 26% |
| Smokes | 1912 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1242 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 1859 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $534,603 of utility $130 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 17 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shmuka | 58% | 31 |
| #2 | GhostFish | 54% | 39 |
| #3 | Superior Crustacean | 53% | 36 |
| #4 | Dhar Mann (real) | 48% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shmuka | 58% | 31 |
| #2 | GhostFish | 54% | 39 |
| #3 | Superior Crustacean | 53% | 36 |
| #4 | Dhar Mann (real) | 48% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Superior Crustacean | 8 | 0.0116 |
| #2 | Shmuka | 7 | 0.0118 |
| #3 | Dhar Mann (real) | 5 | 0.0090 |
| #4 | GhostFish | 4 | 0.0053 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dhar Mann (real) | 43 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #2 | Shmuka | 40 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #3 | GhostFish | 37 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #4 | Superior Crustacean | 7 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | QuakK | +3.95 | 76 | 65 |
| #2 | Dhar Mann (real) | +0.87 | 72 | 46 |
| #3 | GhostFish | -0.13 | 51 | 22 |
| #4 | Shmuka | -2.38 | 46 | 40 |
| #5 | Superior Crustacean | -5.36 | 8 | 19 |





