








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 58 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 99 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1001 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,390 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 734 | 22% |
| Smokes | 502 | 15% |
| HE Grenades | 1168 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 986 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $430,547 of utility $142 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 70 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ssjla | 52% | 33 |
| #2 | Beejay Simpson | 50% | 82 |
| #3 | Forman ツ | 48% | 27 |
| #4 | kodokushi ☁ | 44% | 99 |
| #5 | KaliKarnage | 44% | 131 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | kodokushi ☁ | 44% | 99 |
| #5 | KaliKarnage | 44% | 131 |
| #6 | MightyBrighty | 41% | 80 |
| #7 | unc | 38% | 29 |
| #8 | BigT | 19% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KaliKarnage | 6 | 0.0022 |
| #2 | kodokushi ☁ | 5 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | Beejay Simpson | 3 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | MightyBrighty | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | ssjla | 2 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kodokushi ☁ | 627 | 0.32 | 15 min |
| #2 | KaliKarnage | 428 | 0.16 | 10 min |
| #3 | MightyBrighty | 186 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #4 | Beejay Simpson | 140 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #5 | Forman ツ | 117 | 0.21 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Forman ツ | +1.73 | 79 | 59 |
| #2 | BigT | +1.67 | 48 | 51 |
| #3 | MightyBrighty | +1.22 | 74 | 59 |
| #4 | unc | +0.58 | 58 | 58 |
| #5 | ssjla | +0.56 | 52 | 67 |





