








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 50 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 230 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1851 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,308 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4203 | 37% |
| Smokes | 3226 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1734 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 2145 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $575,554 of utility $100 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 54 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Forman ツ | 51% | 37 |
| #2 | unc | 49% | 63 |
| #3 | Beejay Simpson | 48% | 91 |
| #4 | MightyBrighty | 48% | 181 |
| #5 | KaliKarnage | 48% | 229 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | MightyBrighty | 48% | 181 |
| #5 | KaliKarnage | 48% | 229 |
| #6 | ssjla | 47% | 66 |
| #7 | NotTheRealAsianVenom | 44% | 99 |
| #8 | BigT | 29% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NotTheRealAsianVenom | 8 | 0.0040 |
| #2 | KaliKarnage | 6 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | MightyBrighty | 4 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | Beejay Simpson | 4 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | ssjla | 4 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KaliKarnage | 791 | 0.17 | 23 min |
| #2 | MightyBrighty | 425 | 0.11 | 9 min |
| #3 | unc | 228 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| #4 | NotTheRealAsianVenom | 187 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #5 | Forman ツ | 183 | 0.22 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BigT | +1.77 | 47 | 46 |
| #2 | Forman ツ | +1.34 | 78 | 60 |
| #3 | unc | +0.97 | 59 | 64 |
| #4 | MightyBrighty | +0.47 | 72 | 57 |
| #5 | ssjla | +0.46 | 58 | 69 |





