








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 215 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 78 matches | ||
| Wingman | 73 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2537 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,063 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1615 | 20% |
| Smokes | 2228 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2332 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 1888 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $497,949 of utility $82 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 620 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | WAX | DeathByCodie | 50% | 28 |
| #7 | sunshine | 49% | 86 |
| #8 | Chonka | 47% | 19 |
| #9 | WAX | Zoidberg | 47% | 17 |
| #10 | zero | 41% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sunshine | 9 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | Aquitas | 4 | 0.0069 |
| #3 | Buzz | 3 | 0.0061 |
| #4 | zero | 2 | 0.0055 |
| #5 | beans on toast | 2 | 0.0083 |





