








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 14 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
978 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,707 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 875 | 32% |
| Smokes | 633 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 491 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 708 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $177,326 of utility $84 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 23 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | LXIX | Becky β‘ | 47% | 34 |
| #5 | XV | Bud1 | 44% | 43 |
| #6 | XXVII | Fukiashi | 41% | 39 |
| #7 | K.T. | 40% | 15 |
| #8 | βͺMr.Slootβ’ | 14% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | XV | Bud1 | 7 | 0.0079 |
| #2 | LXIX | Becky β‘ | 2 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | Kermit | 2 | 0.0042 |
| #4 | K.T. | 2 | 0.0066 |
| #5 | βͺMr.Slootβ’ | 2 | 0.0124 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | XXVII | Fukiashi | 122 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #2 | XV | Bud1 | 97 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #3 | LXIX | Becky β‘ | 79 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | Claude Debussin' | 67 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | Kermit | 61 | 0.13 | 2 min |





