








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 237 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 73 matches | ||
| Premier | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1746 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,650 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2038 | 31% |
| Smokes | 1756 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 998 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 1858 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $431,490 of utility $127 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 158 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PandaWafer | 75% | 12 |
| #2 | avril the 14th | 71% | 24 |
| #3 | KSpooky | 70% | 10 |
| #4 | HOMIE | 67% | 15 |
| #5 | 2mas | 66% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | avril the 14th | 2 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | dytram | 2 | 0.0075 |
| #3 | PandaWafer | 2 | 0.0076 |
| #4 | GALIL META | 1 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | Skrimp | 1 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 2mas | 121 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #2 | PandaEgg | 115 | 0.24 | 3 min |
| #3 | GALIL META | 80 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #4 | BootyFlakes | 71 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #5 | avril the 14th | 59 | 0.11 | 2 min |





