








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1291 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 500 matches | ||
| Wingman | 99 matches | ||
| Faceit | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




92 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
10568 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 30,787 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 12513 | 41% |
| Smokes | 6019 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 7902 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 4353 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,032,042 of utility $120 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1899 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | likedom | 63% | 75 |
| #2 | sleep deprivation | 62% | 183 |
| #3 | clownfish | 60% | 60 |
| #4 | абсолют) | 57% | 88 |
| #5 | EzP | 55% | 109 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sleep deprivation | 851 | 0.24 | 19 min |
| #2 | EzP | 374 | 0.16 | 10 min |
| #3 | Ricixixixix | 365 | 0.16 | 10 min |
| #4 | Urosin | 278 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #5 | Kenneth | 196 | 0.19 | 6 min |





