










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 138 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1059 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,602 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 332 | 9% |
| Smokes | 1504 | 42% |
| HE Grenades | 1025 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 741 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $413,649 of utility $130 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 339 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | david the heart breaker | 54% | 79 |
| #2 | Vladimir Pussytin | 52% | 21 |
| #3 | Starboy | 50% | 18 |
| #4 | Elvis | 48% | 66 |
| #5 | Honken§§ | 43% | 51 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Honken§§ | 43% | 51 |
| #6 | CEESAY🚬 | 40% | 45 |
| #7 | coach kent | 33% | 51 |
| #8 | fredrik | 31% | 29 |
| #9 | ☣︎βØŚŚ☣ | 31% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Elvis | 7 | 0.0051 |
| #2 | david the heart breaker | 6 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | Vladimir Pussytin | 6 | 0.0135 |
| #4 | coach kent | 5 | 0.0046 |
| #5 | CEESAY🚬 | 4 | 0.0043 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | david the heart breaker | 447 | 0.27 | 12 min |
| #2 | Elvis | 129 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #3 | Honken§§ | 101 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #4 | CEESAY🚬 | 76 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | Starboy | 48 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Starboy | +6.12 | 75 | 55 |
| #2 | Elvis | +2.92 | 71 | 43 |
| #3 | ☣︎βØŚŚ☣ | +2.26 | 74 | 58 |
| #4 | david the heart breaker | +1.76 | 59 | 66 |
| #5 | kim jong-un | -0.74 | 50 | 39 |





