








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1272 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 412 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




68 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5009 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,340 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7063 | 49% |
| Smokes | 2233 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 2933 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 2111 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,256,100 of utility $136 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1087 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Elvis | 51% | 219 |
| #5 | Honken§§ | 49% | 87 |
| #6 | Vladimir Pussytin | 42% | 31 |
| #7 | CEESAY🚬 | 42% | 89 |
| #8 | coach kent | 38% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Elvis | 361 | 0.08 | 8 min |
| #2 | Honken§§ | 199 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #3 | CEESAY🚬 | 142 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #4 | kim jong-un | 48 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #5 | Vladimir Pussytin | 45 | 0.07 | 1 min |





