








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 284 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 144 matches | ||
| Faceit | 39 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1613 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,425 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3443 | 46% |
| Smokes | 2370 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 392 | 5% |
| Molotovs | 1220 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $420,234 of utility $91 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 11 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tartanium123 | 56% | 27 |
| #2 | Jack | 53% | 100 |
| #3 | elwood | 52% | 148 |
| #4 | Grand Nagus Watto | 50% | 56 |
| #5 | Magi | 42% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Jack | 53% | 100 |
| #3 | elwood | 52% | 148 |
| #4 | Grand Nagus Watto | 50% | 56 |
| #5 | Magi | 42% | 36 |
| #6 | Foosa | 35% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Grand Nagus Watto | 18 | 0.0151 |
| #2 | elwood | 15 | 0.0049 |
| #3 | Jack | 3 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | Magi | 3 | 0.0039 |
| #5 | Tartanium123 | 1 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | elwood | 361 | 0.12 | 9 min |
| #2 | Grand Nagus Watto | 189 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #3 | Jack | 139 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #4 | Foosa | 102 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| #5 | Tartanium123 | 94 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | elwood | +2.39 | 86 | 50 |
| #2 | Jack | +1.61 | 61 | 52 |
| #3 | 口の中でうんち | -0.36 | 54 | 62 |
| #4 | Magi | -0.74 | 42 | 50 |
| #5 | Grand Nagus Watto | -0.99 | 44 | 45 |





