








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 694 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 267 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 35 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




78 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2954 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,164 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3542 | 39% |
| Smokes | 1253 | 14% |
| HE Grenades | 1948 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 2421 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $546,129 of utility $79 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 124 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | N0ct1s_ | 61% | 23 |
| #2 | Jack | 56% | 85 |
| #3 | 口の中でうんち | 50% | 56 |
| #4 | elwood | 40% | 52 |
| #5 | Magi | 38% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | N0ct1s_ | 61% | 23 |
| #2 | Jack | 56% | 85 |
| #3 | 口の中でうんち | 50% | 56 |
| #4 | elwood | 40% | 52 |
| #5 | Magi | 38% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | elwood | 21 | 0.0194 |
| #2 | 口の中でうんち | 13 | 0.0109 |
| #3 | Magi | 7 | 0.0139 |
| #4 | Jack | 4 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | N0ct1s_ | 1 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 口の中でうんち | 367 | 0.31 | 9 min |
| #2 | Jack | 104 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #3 | elwood | 102 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #4 | N0ct1s_ | 55 | 0.12 | 0 min |
| #5 | Magi | 44 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jack | +2.31 | 63 | 50 |
| #2 | elwood | +2.26 | 82 | 43 |
| #3 | Grand Nagus Watto | +0.56 | 47 | 46 |
| #4 | 口の中でうんち | +0.32 | 58 | 63 |
| #5 | Magi | -0.25 | 33 | 37 |





