








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 478 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 131 matches | ||
| Faceit | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2305 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,619 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 964 | 27% |
| Smokes | 1416 | 39% |
| HE Grenades | 684 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 555 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $944,291 of utility $219 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 42 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | N0ct1s_ | 61% | 23 |
| #2 | Grand Nagus Watto | 56% | 85 |
| #3 | 口の中でうんち | 53% | 100 |
| #4 | Magi | 52% | 81 |
| #5 | elwood | 49% | 102 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Grand Nagus Watto | 56% | 85 |
| #3 | 口の中でうんち | 53% | 100 |
| #4 | Magi | 52% | 81 |
| #5 | elwood | 49% | 102 |
| #6 | Tartanium123 | 42% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Grand Nagus Watto | 35 | 0.0197 |
| #2 | elwood | 17 | 0.0080 |
| #3 | 口の中でうんち | 11 | 0.0052 |
| #4 | Magi | 8 | 0.0049 |
| #5 | Tartanium123 | 1 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 口の中でうんち | 665 | 0.32 | 16 min |
| #2 | Grand Nagus Watto | 347 | 0.20 | 7 min |
| #3 | elwood | 227 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #4 | Tartanium123 | 90 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #5 | Magi | 83 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jack | +2.00 | 63 | 49 |
| #2 | elwood | +1.75 | 86 | 46 |
| #3 | Grand Nagus Watto | +0.07 | 37 | 45 |
| #4 | Magi | -0.49 | 42 | 42 |
| #5 | 口の中でうんち | -0.80 | 52 | 62 |





