








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 153 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
331 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 910 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 229 | 25% |
| Smokes | 222 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 292 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 167 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $168,197 of utility $244 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 110 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | L-Capowned V. | 50% | 6 |
| #9 | Quid PRO Quo V. | 43% | 7 |
| #10 | Donkey V. | 38% | 13 |
| #11 | Cast0r V. | 38% | 8 |
| #12 | A B S 1 C H T V. | 29% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lenin Macht cs pause | 1 | 0.0159 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cast0r V. | 53 | 0.32 | 2 min |
| #2 | Ad0nis der Bäinis V. | 35 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #3 | A B S 1 C H T V. | 14 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| #4 | L-Capowned V. | 14 | 0.12 | 0 min |
| #5 | Donkey V. | 10 | 0.04 | 0 min |





