








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 94 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
307 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 692 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 172 | 25% |
| Smokes | 172 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 189 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 159 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $205,043 of utility $316 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 84 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jerkstar Sr. | 100% | 2 |
| #2 | L-Capowned V. | 100% | 2 |
| #3 | Quid PRO Quo V. | 83% | 6 |
| #4 | Jerkstar V. | 75% | 8 |
| #5 | Cast0r V. | 67% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Donkey V. | 17 | 0.11 | 0 min |
| #2 | Ad0nis der Bäinis V. | 13 | 0.16 | 0 min |
| #3 | Jerkstar V. | 12 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| #4 | Jerkstar Sr. | 10 | 0.26 | 0 min |
| #5 | Schmandfaktor V. | 5 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Quid PRO Quo V. | +6.87 | 72 | 66 |
| #2 | Schmandfaktor Jr. | +4.81 | 83 | 61 |
| #3 | Jerkstar Sr. | +4.40 | 76 | 74 |
| #4 | Donkey V. | +3.55 | 58 | 64 |
| #5 | L-Capowned V. | +3.04 | 38 | 76 |





