










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 68 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1131 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,162 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1147 | 28% |
| Smokes | 1003 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1094 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 918 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $310,419 of utility $159 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 154 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | eclecid | 75% | 8 |
| #2 | Handled Bag | 73% | 11 |
| #3 | Bozo Magoo | 68% | 41 |
| #4 | linglingling | 67% | 18 |
| #5 | Rupert 37 | 65% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Handled Bag | 73% | 11 |
| #3 | Bozo Magoo | 68% | 41 |
| #4 | linglingling | 67% | 18 |
| #5 | Rupert 37 | 65% | 34 |
| #6 | أفتقد سي إس جو | 64% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bozo Magoo | 4 | 0.0046 |
| #2 | linglingling | 4 | 0.0111 |
| #3 | Handled Bag | 2 | 0.0087 |
| #4 | Rupert 37 | 1 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | eclecid | 1 | 0.0064 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rupert 37 | 67 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #2 | Bozo Magoo | 51 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #3 | أفتقد سي إس جو | 24 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #4 | linglingling | 21 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #5 | Handled Bag | 16 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rotted Duffle | +4.76 | 64 | 69 |
| #2 | eclecid | +3.58 | 53 | 28 |
| #3 | Handled Bag | +2.37 | 46 | 53 |
| #4 | linglingling | +2.14 | 55 | 51 |
| #5 | Bozo Magoo | +0.56 | 29 | 58 |





