








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 651 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 196 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1438 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,998 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1094 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1351 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1273 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1280 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $894,422 of utility $160 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 33 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rotted Duffle | 65% | 34 |
| #2 | Bozo Magoo | 51% | 166 |
| #3 | Handled Bag | 48% | 33 |
| #4 | Bumbino | 42% | 81 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rotted Duffle | 65% | 34 |
| #2 | Bozo Magoo | 51% | 166 |
| #3 | Handled Bag | 48% | 33 |
| #4 | Bumbino | 42% | 81 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Handled Bag | 13 | 0.0185 |
| #2 | Rotted Duffle | 10 | 0.0135 |
| #3 | Bozo Magoo | 9 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | Bumbino | 2 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bozo Magoo | 243 | 0.07 | 7 min |
| #2 | Rotted Duffle | 168 | 0.23 | 4 min |
| #3 | Handled Bag | 89 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #4 | Bumbino | 31 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rotted Duffle | +6.30 | 64 | 68 |
| #2 | Handled Bag | +3.75 | 59 | 64 |
| #3 | Bozo Magoo | +1.18 | 34 | 55 |
| #4 | Rupert 37 | -1.88 | 36 | 39 |
| #5 | Bumbino | -4.09 | 34 | 27 |





