








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1870 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 758 matches | ||
| Faceit | 66 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 43 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




58 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6123 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 25,788 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4509 | 17% |
| Smokes | 11359 | 44% |
| HE Grenades | 5625 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 4295 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $4,488,321 of utility $222 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 759 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Handled Bag | 55% | 173 |
| #2 | Rupert 37 | 51% | 166 |
| #3 | Duff[y] | 50% | 153 |
| #4 | linglingling | 49% | 356 |
| #5 | vncleacid | 42% | 50 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Handled Bag | 55% | 173 |
| #2 | Rupert 37 | 51% | 166 |
| #3 | Duff[y] | 50% | 153 |
| #4 | linglingling | 49% | 356 |
| #5 | vncleacid | 42% | 50 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Handled Bag | 50 | 0.0138 |
| #2 | Duff[y] | 26 | 0.0079 |
| #3 | linglingling | 13 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | Rupert 37 | 5 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | vncleacid | 4 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | linglingling | 535 | 0.07 | 12 min |
| #2 | Handled Bag | 531 | 0.15 | 13 min |
| #3 | Duff[y] | 487 | 0.15 | 10 min |
| #4 | Rupert 37 | 236 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| #5 | vncleacid | 19 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Duff[y] | +3.17 | 67 | 61 |
| #2 | Handled Bag | +2.73 | 64 | 66 |
| #3 | linglingling | +0.97 | 67 | 48 |
| #4 | Bozo Magoo | -0.65 | 36 | 56 |
| #5 | vncleacid | -1.77 | 40 | 21 |





