








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 210 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1160 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,098 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 509 | 24% |
| Smokes | 581 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 448 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 560 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $447,155 of utility $198 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 24 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | doot | 67% | 9 |
| #4 | 中国政府拥有我KNEE GEAR | 53% | 108 |
| #5 | king | 50% | 34 |
| #6 | Heounh | 38% | 16 |
| #7 | Dulberry | 22% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | king | 28 | 0.0423 |
| #2 | 中国政府拥有我KNEE GEAR | 21 | 0.0096 |
| #3 | Dulberry | 11 | 0.0335 |
| #4 | Heounh | 3 | 0.0093 |
| #5 | doot | 1 | 0.0054 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 中国政府拥有我KNEE GEAR | 118 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #2 | king | 43 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #3 | doot | 34 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #4 | Dulberry | 30 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | Rikuhachima Aru | 27 | 0.23 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | doot | +4.66 | 77 | 65 |
| #2 | Saint | +2.08 | 72 | 53 |
| #3 | king | +1.30 | 52 | 40 |
| #4 | 中国政府拥有我KNEE GEAR | -1.38 | 65 | 48 |
| #5 | Rikuhachima Aru | -3.10 | 17 | 49 |





