








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 54 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
444 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 903 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 209 | 23% |
| Smokes | 407 | 45% |
| HE Grenades | 41 | 5% |
| Molotovs | 246 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $476,979 of utility $192 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 105 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Onj | 43% | 44 |
| #2 | Gothmogs Big Toe | 35% | 52 |
| #3 | A Fat Slug | 27% | 37 |
| #4 | Heatcheck#0 | 27% | 79 |
| #5 | Maz | 25% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Gothmogs Big Toe | 35% | 52 |
| #3 | A Fat Slug | 27% | 37 |
| #4 | Heatcheck#0 | 27% | 79 |
| #5 | Maz | 25% | 8 |
| #6 | Cookie Crisp Wizard | 25% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Onj | 3 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | Heatcheck#0 | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #3 | A Fat Slug | 1 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Heatcheck#0 | 163 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #2 | Gothmogs Big Toe | 124 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #3 | Onj | 68 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #4 | Cookie Crisp Wizard | 54 | 0.22 | 1 min |
| #5 | A Fat Slug | 50 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Onj | +6.25 | 82 | 43 |
| #2 | Cookie Crisp Wizard | +3.36 | 66 | 51 |
| #3 | Gothmogs Big Toe | +1.65 | 45 | 49 |
| #4 | Maz | +0.43 | 79 | 6 |
| #5 | Heatcheck#0 | -2.43 | 13 | 40 |





