








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 637 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 120 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 24 matches | ||
| Wingman | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2712 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,246 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3138 | 43% |
| Smokes | 2002 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1071 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 1035 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,058,552 of utility $162 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1576 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cookie Crisp Wizard | 52% | 27 |
| #2 | Heatcheck#0 | 42% | 173 |
| #3 | A Fat Slug | 39% | 64 |
| #4 | Maz | 39% | 96 |
| #5 | Novated Leasing | 35% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cookie Crisp Wizard | 52% | 27 |
| #2 | Heatcheck#0 | 42% | 173 |
| #3 | A Fat Slug | 39% | 64 |
| #4 | Maz | 39% | 96 |
| #5 | Novated Leasing | 35% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Heatcheck#0 | 5 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | Maz | 4 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | A Fat Slug | 2 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | Cookie Crisp Wizard | 2 | 0.0037 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Heatcheck#0 | 267 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #2 | Cookie Crisp Wizard | 105 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #3 | A Fat Slug | 85 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #4 | Novated Leasing | 37 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | Maz | 4 | 0.00 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cookie Crisp Wizard | +2.15 | 64 | 46 |
| #2 | Gothmogs Big Toe | +1.00 | 50 | 52 |
| #3 | Maz | -1.58 | 81 | 8 |
| #4 | Heatcheck#0 | -2.01 | 24 | 37 |
| #5 | A Fat Slug | -5.47 | 9 | 36 |





