








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 289 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 380 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 60 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 30 matches | ||
| Faceit | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 53 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




34 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6158 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 28,573 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9728 | 34% |
| Smokes | 5660 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 7448 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 5737 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,930,538 of utility $115 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 82 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Coach714 | 28 | 0.0049 |
| #2 | Hazard[iFail] | 14 | 0.0038 |
| #3 | Honk | 7 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | FoXTroZT | 7 | 0.0053 |
| #5 | Yamcha | 6 | 0.0066 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Coach714 | 1130 | 0.20 | 26 min |
| #2 | Honk | 549 | 0.11 | 12 min |
| #3 | LethalWMD | 506 | 0.27 | 11 min |
| #4 | stormK | 380 | 0.19 | 11 min |
| #5 | FoXTroZT | 301 | 0.23 | 5 min |





