










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 331 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Faceit | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1017 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,076 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 572 | 28% |
| Smokes | 352 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 537 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 615 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $309,008 of utility $203 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 13 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| 60% | 5 | ||
| #6 | SaLaMi | 60% | 45 |
| #7 | cur1ous | 50% | 6 |
| #8 | klyE | 50% | 6 |
| 20% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SaLaMi | 8 | 0.0097 |
| 5 | 0.0485 | ||
| 4 | 0.0408 | ||
| 3 | 0.0191 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SaLaMi | 295 | 0.36 | 7 min |
| 63 | 0.40 | 1 min | ||
| 31 | 0.21 | 1 min | ||
| 30 | 0.29 | 1 min | ||
| 12 | 0.12 | 0 min |





