








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 437 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 105 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 68 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 62 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 18 matches | ||
| Premier | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4631 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,459 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1467 | 16% |
| Smokes | 2486 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2432 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 3074 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,307,461 of utility $123 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 330 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cat ears gaming | 60% | 35 |
| #2 | TheSimeolin | 53% | 59 |
| #3 | CumGuzzler35 | 51% | 41 |
| #4 | trooser | 49% | 67 |
| #5 | morde24 | 49% | 139 |





