








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 55 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 34 matches | ||
| Faceit | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
790 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,223 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 558 | 25% |
| Smokes | 561 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 571 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 533 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $171,721 of utility $112 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 37 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Barbilicious | 65% | 17 |
| #2 | valatkeN | 64% | 14 |
| #3 | dectros | 63% | 16 |
| #4 | mahfn | 62% | 13 |
| #5 | JV | 62% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Acipalaidavesdz! | 5 | 0.0084 |
| #2 | dectros | 4 | 0.0110 |
| #3 | na1su | 4 | 0.0136 |
| #4 | JV | 2 | 0.0034 |
| #5 | valatkeN | 1 | 0.0037 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JV | 174 | 0.30 | 6 min |
| #2 | Acipalaidavesdz! | 88 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #3 | dectros | 59 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #4 | na1su | 59 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #5 | Barbilicious | 52 | 0.14 | 1 min |





