








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 25 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 225 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2314 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,811 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2183 | 22% |
| Smokes | 2672 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 3176 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 1780 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $667,586 of utility $105 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | forgisss | 65% | 17 |
| #2 | Smo | 49% | 112 |
| #3 | dectros | 48% | 128 |
| #4 | JV | 47% | 215 |
| #5 | mahfn | 43% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | forgisss | 65% | 17 |
| #2 | Smo | 49% | 112 |
| #3 | dectros | 48% | 128 |
| #4 | JV | 47% | 215 |
| #5 | mahfn | 43% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JV | 11 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | dectros | 8 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | Smo | 7 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | forgisss | 2 | 0.0053 |
| #5 | mahfn | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JV | 1597 | 0.34 | 56 min |
| #2 | dectros | 445 | 0.16 | 11 min |
| #3 | Smo | 345 | 0.14 | 9 min |
| #4 | forgisss | 49 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #5 | mahfn | 9 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | forgisss | +2.98 | 87 | 60 |
| #2 | JV | +2.56 | 84 | 81 |
| #3 | Smo | +0.59 | 69 | 71 |
| #4 | dectros | -0.74 | 58 | 66 |
| #5 | Barbilicious | -1.02 | 59 | 61 |





