








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 258 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1235 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,416 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1626 | 37% |
| Smokes | 793 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 867 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1130 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $215,001 of utility $91 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 202 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | Cool like a custom Noob | 48% | 61 |
| #11 | AufSwiffer | 45% | 22 |
| #12 | Phantom | 44% | 18 |
| #13 | hakuna_matata_0805 | 38% | 8 |
| #14 | atwa36 | 33% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cool like a custom Noob | 12 | 0.0097 |
| #2 | Cross | 7 | 0.0080 |
| #3 | AufSwiffer | 6 | 0.0129 |
| #4 | Phantom | 4 | 0.0114 |
| #5 | StaubWedel | 3 | 0.0080 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cross | 166 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #2 | Cool like a custom Noob | 84 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #3 | VACat | 56 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #4 | AufSwiffer | 43 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | StaubWedel | 28 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Phantom | +4.94 | 89 | 34 |
| #2 | Cool like a custom Noob | +4.36 | 89 | 38 |
| #3 | StaubWedel | +3.52 | 92 | 38 |
| #4 | Leidenschaft für Scheidensaft | +2.37 | 61 | 63 |
| #5 | AufSwiffer | +2.34 | 81 | 55 |





