








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 208 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 104 matches | ||
| Faceit | 12 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
961 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,658 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 468 | 18% |
| Smokes | 704 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 813 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 673 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $820,737 of utility $286 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 22 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Braampels | 60% | 10 |
| #2 | Goblin Machine | 54% | 13 |
| #3 | Грегориус VII | 51% | 109 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Braampels | 60% | 10 |
| #2 | Goblin Machine | 54% | 13 |
| #3 | Грегориус VII | 51% | 109 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Грегориус VII | 26 | 0.0133 |
| #2 | Goblin Machine | 3 | 0.0115 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Грегориус VII | 167 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #2 | Goblin Machine | 38 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Goblin Machine | +6.43 | 70 | 38 |
| #2 | Грегориус VII | +2.33 | 67 | 45 |
| #3 | Braampels | +1.14 | 74 | 48 |
| #4 | uncle ßatan | -1.55 | 56 | 40 |





