








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 37 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 109 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1826 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,571 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1664 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1278 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1424 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1205 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $307,868 of utility $100 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 23 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Squirrel | 67% | 15 |
| #2 | ÐarkŸasμøMahmoúÐ | 57% | 44 |
| #3 | edvin | 53% | 55 |
| #4 | ツ | 49% | 35 |
| #5 | ушная сера | 45% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Squirrel | 67% | 15 |
| #2 | ÐarkŸasμøMahmoúÐ | 57% | 44 |
| #3 | edvin | 53% | 55 |
| #4 | ツ | 49% | 35 |
| #5 | ушная сера | 45% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | edvin | 6 | 0.0054 |
| #2 | ÐarkŸasμøMahmoúÐ | 2 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | ツ | 1 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | ушная сера | 1 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | edvin | 219 | 0.20 | 5 min |
| #2 | ÐarkŸasμøMahmoúÐ | 139 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #3 | ツ | 125 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #4 | ушная сера | 125 | 0.22 | 3 min |
| #5 | Squirrel | 11 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | црах | +2.46 | 80 | 65 |
| #2 | edvin | +1.63 | 64 | 62 |
| #3 | Squirrel | -1.59 | 42 | 46 |
| #4 | ÐarkŸasμøMahmoúÐ | -2.00 | 59 | 55 |
| #5 | ツ | -2.84 | 40 | 55 |





