








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 18 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 313 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 15 matches | ||
| Wingman | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4509 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,462 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1086 | 17% |
| Smokes | 1985 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1613 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1778 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,545,795 of utility $174 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Minecraft.exe | 52% | 164 |
| #2 | opossum_hunter | 52% | 128 |
| #3 | ThickEmUp | 50% | 136 |
| #4 | Reality Captain | 49% | 136 |
| #5 | Snow Day Bard | 44% | 117 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | opossum_hunter | 52% | 128 |
| #3 | ThickEmUp | 50% | 136 |
| #4 | Reality Captain | 49% | 136 |
| #5 | Snow Day Bard | 44% | 117 |
| #6 | Ziffy | 43% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Snow Day Bard | 5 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | Minecraft.exe | 4 | 0.0011 |
| #3 | ThickEmUp | 3 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | opossum_hunter | 3 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | Reality Captain | 2 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Minecraft.exe | 422 | 0.12 | 9 min |
| #2 | Reality Captain | 297 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #3 | Snow Day Bard | 247 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #4 | ThickEmUp | 172 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #5 | opossum_hunter | 171 | 0.06 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Thick4sKn | +2.91 | 58 | 48 |
| #2 | Ziffy | +1.05 | 66 | 72 |
| #3 | Reality Captain | -0.47 | 38 | 71 |
| #4 | Minecraft.exe | -0.86 | 54 | 74 |
| #5 | Snow Day Bard | -1.03 | 44 | 54 |





