








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 67 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 215 matches | ||
| Premier | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3425 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,172 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2188 | 27% |
| Smokes | 1953 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2059 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1972 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $833,207 of utility $133 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 20 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Archaic | 69% | 16 |
| #2 | loltrip | 57% | 23 |
| #3 | Spooky Jinneah | 54% | 48 |
| #4 | 天使 | 49% | 41 |
| #5 | Axessor | 46% | 63 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Axessor | 46% | 63 |
| #6 | swag | 46% | 46 |
| #7 | Primal | 44% | 34 |
| #8 | Stiltz | 38% | 39 |
| #9 | Bot Cheese.torrent | 38% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | swag | 13 | 0.0127 |
| #2 | Stiltz | 7 | 0.0084 |
| #3 | Bot Cheese.torrent | 2 | 0.0045 |
| #4 | Archaic | 2 | 0.0061 |
| #5 | Spooky Jinneah | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Axessor | 343 | 0.24 | 9 min |
| #2 | Spooky Jinneah | 260 | 0.24 | 6 min |
| #3 | 天使 | 232 | 0.23 | 6 min |
| #4 | Primal | 229 | 0.30 | 6 min |
| #5 | swag | 198 | 0.19 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | loltrip | +1.55 | 82 | 64 |
| #2 | chris | +0.79 | 86 | 55 |
| #3 | 天使 | +0.52 | 82 | 64 |
| #4 | Spooky Jinneah | +0.44 | 86 | 57 |
| #5 | Archaic | +0.41 | 77 | 48 |





