








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 11 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 113 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




43 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2194 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,586 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1011 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1545 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 911 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1119 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $523,358 of utility $143 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 230 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | A$AP Larry | 64% | 14 |
| #2 | Alpha Coda | 58% | 57 |
| #3 | Chef | 57% | 14 |
| #4 | No.Scrubs | 52% | 62 |
| #5 | BIGDADDYDHOMAS | 47% | 111 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | A$AP Larry | 64% | 14 |
| #2 | Alpha Coda | 58% | 57 |
| #3 | Chef | 57% | 14 |
| #4 | No.Scrubs | 52% | 62 |
| #5 | BIGDADDYDHOMAS | 47% | 111 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Alpha Coda | 14 | 0.0121 |
| #2 | BIGDADDYDHOMAS | 4 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | No.Scrubs | 3 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BIGDADDYDHOMAS | 164 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #2 | No.Scrubs | 72 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #3 | Chef | 69 | 0.26 | 2 min |
| #4 | Alpha Coda | 64 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | A$AP Larry | 4 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chicussy | +5.07 | 79 | 62 |
| #2 | Alpha Coda | +1.33 | 74 | 41 |
| #3 | Chef | +0.49 | 51 | 66 |
| #4 | BIGDADDYDHOMAS | -3.14 | 26 | 48 |
| #5 | No.Scrubs | -3.97 | 27 | 39 |





