










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 21 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 236 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2737 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,266 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1530 | 19% |
| Smokes | 2215 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 2966 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 1555 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,123,657 of utility $188 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 149 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | knæbbrN ⛟ | 63% | 38 |
| #2 | Son | 62% | 21 |
| #3 | Vïnter | 57% | 28 |
| #4 | Lost ctrl | 52% | 85 |
| #5 | ♫Pink Floyd♫ | 50% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Lost ctrl | 52% | 85 |
| #5 | ♫Pink Floyd♫ | 50% | 18 |
| #6 | /the Big D | 48% | 21 |
| #7 | tobbs | 46% | 147 |
| #8 | NajF | 42% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tobbs | 15 | 0.0050 |
| #2 | knæbbrN ⛟ | 4 | 0.0050 |
| #3 | NajF | 3 | 0.0047 |
| #4 | ♫Pink Floyd♫ | 3 | 0.0083 |
| #5 | Vïnter | 1 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tobbs | 530 | 0.18 | 12 min |
| #2 | Vïnter | 91 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #3 | Lost ctrl | 88 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #4 | knæbbrN ⛟ | 58 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | Son | 52 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♫Pink Floyd♫ | +3.27 | 80 | 58 |
| #2 | Son | +2.96 | 67 | 66 |
| #3 | /the Big D | +2.25 | 69 | 64 |
| #4 | Vïnter | +2.23 | 63 | 60 |
| #5 | NajF | +2.17 | 69 | 55 |





