










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 100 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 220 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3208 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,973 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1942 | 28% |
| Smokes | 2489 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 1835 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 707 | 10% |
Our logs show you have wasted $972,084 of utility $159 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 46 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hapket | 67% | 49 |
| #2 | /the Big D | 57% | 30 |
| #3 | tobbs | 54% | 167 |
| #4 | Son | 53% | 99 |
| #5 | Lost ctrl | 52% | 207 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Lost ctrl | 52% | 207 |
| #6 | Vïnter | 49% | 106 |
| #7 | ♫Pink Floyd♫ | 47% | 19 |
| #8 | knæbbrN ⛟ | 43% | 28 |
| #9 | 🗿⃤⃢🍷Pepish | 42% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tobbs | 10 | 0.0030 |
| #2 | Hapket | 6 | 0.0060 |
| #3 | Son | 5 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | Lost ctrl | 4 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | Vïnter | 4 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tobbs | 568 | 0.17 | 14 min |
| #2 | Vïnter | 290 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #3 | Lost ctrl | 216 | 0.05 | 6 min |
| #4 | Son | 187 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #5 | Hapket | 135 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hapket | +3.16 | 82 | 62 |
| #2 | /the Big D | +2.90 | 69 | 61 |
| #3 | Son | +2.09 | 67 | 61 |
| #4 | ♫Pink Floyd♫ | +1.97 | 77 | 63 |
| #5 | NajF | +1.28 | 70 | 56 |





