








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 260 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 77 matches | ||
| Faceit | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1598 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,425 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1390 | 31% |
| Smokes | 1099 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 773 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 1163 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $438,808 of utility $158 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 29 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | emilia<3 | 83% | 18 |
| #2 | KushCake7 | 71% | 7 |
| #3 | NuclearAnt | 64% | 11 |
| #4 | smokesh_^ | 59% | 63 |
| #5 | lumen | 56% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | emilia<3 | 83% | 18 |
| #2 | KushCake7 | 71% | 7 |
| #3 | NuclearAnt | 64% | 11 |
| #4 | smokesh_^ | 59% | 63 |
| #5 | lumen | 56% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lumen | 6 | 0.0155 |
| #2 | smokesh_^ | 3 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | emilia<3 | 2 | 0.0058 |
| #4 | KushCake7 | 2 | 0.0123 |
| #5 | NuclearAnt | 1 | 0.0041 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | smokesh_^ | 196 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #2 | lumen | 91 | 0.24 | 3 min |
| #3 | NuclearAnt | 51 | 0.21 | 1 min |
| #4 | KushCake7 | 34 | 0.21 | 0 min |
| #5 | emilia<3 | 28 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | emilia<3 | +6.27 | 90 | 51 |
| #2 | smokesh_^ | +4.55 | 86 | 53 |
| #3 | lumen | +3.37 | 94 | 70 |
| #4 | ZeroNewt | +1.43 | 77 | 64 |
| #5 | KushCake7 | +0.45 | 80 | 41 |





