








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 36 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 42 matches | ||
| Faceit | 36 matches | ||
| Premier | 34 matches | ||
| Wingman | 26 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1354 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,282 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 468 | 21% |
| Smokes | 498 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 656 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 660 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $526,147 of utility $163 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Morby | 68% | 19 |
| #2 | Tom | 65% | 83 |
| #3 | Gecon (General Shiro Ishii) | 65% | 34 |
| #4 | Bob | 56% | 55 |
| #5 | Halooooooooooooooow | 56% | 81 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Gecon (General Shiro Ishii) | 65% | 34 |
| #4 | Bob | 56% | 55 |
| #5 | Halooooooooooooooow | 56% | 81 |
| #6 | Ben | 49% | 45 |
| #7 | ThePope | 42% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bob | 16 | 0.0133 |
| #2 | Tom | 10 | 0.0058 |
| #3 | Ben | 10 | 0.0101 |
| #4 | Gecon (General Shiro Ishii) | 8 | 0.0105 |
| #5 | Halooooooooooooooow | 7 | 0.0041 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tom | 332 | 0.19 | 8 min |
| #2 | Gecon (General Shiro Ishii) | 121 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #3 | Halooooooooooooooow | 119 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #4 | Bob | 102 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | ThePope | 32 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tom | +4.29 | 84 | 53 |
| #2 | Bob | +2.91 | 80 | 51 |
| #3 | Gecon (General Shiro Ishii) | +2.33 | 80 | 56 |
| #4 | Morby | +1.33 | 75 | 50 |
| #5 | hellsjock | -0.24 | 51 | 45 |





