








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 110 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 354 matches | ||
| Premier | 87 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3578 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,940 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2054 | 16% |
| Smokes | 3694 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 3103 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 4089 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,969,940 of utility $187 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 206 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tom | 60% | 152 |
| #2 | hellsjock | 56% | 81 |
| #3 | Darren1379 | 53% | 245 |
| #4 | Ben | 52% | 371 |
| #5 | Bob | 51% | 384 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Ben | 52% | 371 |
| #5 | Bob | 51% | 384 |
| #6 | Gecon (General Shiro Ishii) | 49% | 274 |
| #7 | Morby | 47% | 236 |
| #8 | ThePope | 43% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bob | 45 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | Ben | 28 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | Gecon (General Shiro Ishii) | 20 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | Tom | 8 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | Morby | 7 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bob | 714 | 0.08 | 19 min |
| #2 | Tom | 662 | 0.20 | 18 min |
| #3 | Gecon (General Shiro Ishii) | 583 | 0.10 | 15 min |
| #4 | Morby | 344 | 0.07 | 9 min |
| #5 | Darren1379 | 334 | 0.06 | 10 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bob | +2.96 | 81 | 56 |
| #2 | Tom | +2.94 | 82 | 55 |
| #3 | Morby | +0.59 | 70 | 56 |
| #4 | Ben | +0.37 | 65 | 26 |
| #5 | Gecon (General Shiro Ishii) | +0.22 | 71 | 49 |





